Grope Mountain London

In case you still hadn't found an activity equal parts crude and peculiar for Valentine's Day, look no further than South West London's latest attraction: a climbing wall with handholds in the shape of penises, vaginas, breasts, and more. Yep, who needs a candlelit dinner when you can book a ticket to London's Grope Mountain pop-up?

The weekend-long installation (Saturday 11 – Sunday 12 February) is promoting itself as a challenge where climbers ascend the X-rated wall in hope of being crowned the “King or Queen of Grope Mountain.” You can't make these things up. Well, designer duo Bompas & Parr have done, and they actually launched Grope Mountain in 2015, at NYC's Museum of Sex. 

So, the next obvious question to be asked here is why. Well, according to the event's website, conventional climbing walls are "intriguingly erotic" and so Grope Mountain "turbocharges that affect, making the erotic nature of the experience all the more manifest." We've personally never felt turned on by a climbing wall but, for those that have (or those looking for an alternative Valentine's or workout) the wall itself is located in The Climbing Hangar in Parsons Green, and costs £10.

The self-proclaimed "unrivalled date night" is open 7pm-10pm – in other words, early enough that there's still time for more conventional romantic antics post-climb.